Starting at a dollar! A little, slightly offensive breen, brimming with love! 1 day only!

Text on this one says 'Jesus Vows To Spring Prison Nun!' Also, 'No Convent Can Hold Her!' and "I'm innocent!"

The subject of this portrait must not have wanted to sit for this or was mad at the artist.  That's how these portraits end up at the flea market! No one wants a pissed off picture of themselves! She is probably called 'Sunny' by her friends, and is the smiliest lady around!  But, my attempts to hang smiles on the angry usually end up in complete failure so I didn't even try this time.

The only logical thing to do was to turn her into a prison nun.

Backed by a hurricane halo, she he is wearing an orange prison habit and is administering stigmata on herself with a shiv. Robocop nuns escort her by pinching her shoulder with painful ruler clamps. Jesus wails, reaching through the prison bars - he will spring her!

The tears are prison tattoos, which indicate that she killed someone, so steer clear unless you want trouble!  Is she really innocent?  Maybe.  But once you do a stretch in the convent, you come out hardened. Tough.  Jesus' love just isn't enough to straighten you out - especially when you know he loves everyone else too.

I found some mismatched letter stencils in my Dad's old stuff and used them for most of the lettering.

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I have a huge pile of prebreens in my studio that I peruse every couple of days, seeing if any want to get chatty. I picked this one up a couple of days ago and it said:

 'After admitting he was born in Kabul, Abe Lincoln threatened to burn the Bible IF George Washington continued with his plan to burn the Koran on CNN.'

Jesus lounges in a mouth/doorway, and says "It appears we are at an impasse." Abe and George have sacred texts dangerously close to the flames. They have mixed symbols, and are both demonized, both sainted.  This is an old fashioned, cartoony, chaotic, political breen.

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Text says, 'Only you can stop art fires! Buy this painting or I'll burn it!' The little girl asks, 'Mister? You won't let that bad man burn me will you?' I say, "I'll do it! You know I will!'

When I gazed on the prebreen for the first time, I flashed back about 40 years to a National Lampoon Magazine cover - My current subject has that same kind of look and cuteness quotient.
 

Of course, burning a 2 dimensional scrap of canvas is much different than shooting a dog. In any case, this painting will not burn at my hands, since the reserve price on Ebay has already been acheived. However, IF YOU feel the urge to burn it, please, spend spend spend more than you can afford! That's what credit cards are for, after all, to buy outlandishly priced paintings to BURN!  To buy this work of breenius, go HERE.

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This is a deep diving Breen, jam-packed with juicy symbolic gimmickry! The only thing I am going to point out about this piece, which, in the future, even the most astute art historians will never discern, is that within the yin and yang of a box of Good n’ Plenty, the pink candies live in the full sun of life, while the evil white candies dwell in the Underworld and wander among the shades.

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Sent from my iPhone

Painting is about 12"X15.5", acrylic on oil or acrylic stretched canvas including painted frame, painted over an existing painting.

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Text says, 'In Rye, NH, John Lionsmane didn't want to sting! He just wanted to play!' Further down, mixed up in the tentacles the text says, 'No children were harmed in the breening of this painting!' This work was painted over at least once already before I got to it. The wire on the back is vertical to the image, which would indicate that the original painting was horizontally oriented, and that the boy painting I hijacked to was never hung.

On the back of this painting I painted some text which is an inside joke between my son and I, you won't get it, but if you end up winning this piece, and in the future after I'm dead you need its authenticity confirmed, track down my son, he will be able to tell you what it means and confirm its authenticity. Of course, after I die I expect my grieving relatives, friends and committed collectors, unable to go on without me, to all hurl themselves into my grave and commit mass suicide, so my son may not be around to confirm the joke.

This painting has been completely worked over, the only remaining uncovered piece is the left hand pupil as you look at it, though the light patch in the pupil is mine. I didn't mean to completely cover him, he was a very good portrait, but my hand wants what it wants, and sometimes just keeps going! It's vacation-time and jellyfish have been on my mind. I started this in Connecticut at the beach while my son shoveled up any errant jellyfish who had the misfortune to cross his path, throwing them in the seagrass. They were pretty thick in the water and I got stung on my ankles, so I began to cheer on his bad karma actions, and gave the boy in the portrait a jellyfish body. After I got home, I heard about the massive Lionsmane jellyfish the size of a trashcan lid with 50 foot tentacles found floating at a beach in Rye, NH. The lifeguard hauled it out of the water with a pitchfork but the tentacles broke off, stinging everyone who brushed up against them, 100 or so including 9 kids. People and jellyfish don't mix, that's all there is to it.

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Get it cheap while everyone is on vacation and no one is inside looking at a computer screen, except for you, you loser! Actually, don't even bid. Turn off your computer right now and go outside, take a walk, ride your bike, go to the beach! It's a beautiful day!

Are you still here? Good, because those suckers who just took my advice walked away from this contest. The first 3 people who email me with the 3 word text hidden within the painting, NOT MENTIONED in the ebay description, will be mailed an actual, gen-u-ine, signed, eddie breen painted stone, harvested off the beach in Gloucester, and tarted up by yours truly!  Why go outside and collect beach stones when I can do it for you? And paint them and send them to you?

Buy this Breen HERE.

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Melissa W. has been bugging me for some time to do an oil spill breen, but for some reason the subject seemed too large to get my arms around until recently. The aquatic apocalypse elevates this from a simple case of pollution to a possible wiping out of all life, martyring all the life in the ocean. Every painter at some point in his career has to do an Apotheosis, and this is mine! If there was ever a case of elevating sea life to the devine, this is it!

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